I've known forever

How do you figure out your purpose?

Every since I was able to solve 100 piece puzzles without the help of my big sister Ive known Ive wanted to work in the media field and become a household name throughout america and abroad. Doing what exactly I wasn't sure at that age. Sooner than later though, I decided I didn't want to be tied down to only one medium but I wanted to explore every art medium humanity had to offer. From music, to movies, from television acting to website design, figure sculpting, and painting. At one point I even decided that if I was going to peruse any of this I'd have to learn to play at least 3 instruments; I chose piano, guitar, and maybe something from the winds family. Knowing this at an early age put me at a slight advantage as a teenager. I was able to work on my craft while my peers were still in shock that puberty was setting in and being lame wasn't cool.

But with all that said, producing relevant art (writing and otherwise) is apparently becoming harder for me as my college experience progresses. Having the thought is one thing, expressing it with fluidity and flawlessly is a whole other. Often times when I write, draw, photograph,etc I am more concerned with the person who is going to be viewing the piece. When instead my concern should be how I want it to come across by utilizing my own emotion to evoke others'.

Pollock

One place I look for inspiration is in magazines, and not typical articles of black and white text, but with articles of clothing. When I browse through fashion magazines automatically my head fills with ides for television shows and motion picture pitches. Also color concepts for paintings or sculpture. Although my imagination is fuming with creativity and excitement I get stuck in the brainstorming stage trying different ways to execute my ideas.

When Im stuck in this phase with no hope of relief or that magical "ah-ha!" moment artist long for; I turn people who can help develop my already great ideas into otherworldly creations. I strongly believe that collaborative efforts elevate any project to its fullest potential. I appreciate harsh feedback and critique the most because it lets me know honestly and respectfully what areas I should work on so that when I'm back at the drawing board I'm fully aware of my previous missteps. Usually after this point I have a product im confident enough to sale to anyone.

"Guernica" Picasso

I say all that to say  that if there is anything your passionate about, pursue it. If its impossible for you to complete your day without visiting the idea of this passion or working on improving it or working on what ever it is, more than likely this is your talent. Each person is gifted in one way or another with no exclusions and it is our duty to share these gifts with the world. It helps too if your being payed for your contribution!

No matter how hard you have to fight, fight to make your dreams your reality.

XXX

After reviewing the article written by Rick Santorum about free speech and internet porn I immediately took a stance. I definitely don't feel that Santorums argument is justified in claiming that our first amendment is being sullied by the vast collection of internet porn the worldwide web has to offer. I feel that freedom of speech should not be denied to anyone, regardless of how they choose to express themselves. Although e-porn has no place on the screens of young children, it discounts the fact that a lot of adults still enjoy these films and sites. By banning them you are stripping these individuals of their basic human rights.

In this instance as an artist myself I find the human form beautiful. I personally don't consider double penetration and gang bangs artistic, whose to say the person responsible for the production doesn't. Our bodies are capable of amazing feats, as human beings we shouldn't be censored on how we choose to display our abilities. As we begin on a road of a more conservative America, we are ripping rights away willy nilly. If all all the things we didn't like or disapproved of were outlawed we wouldn't be enjoying a free country, we would be left with nearly nothing as far as individual expression is concerned. Although pleasing the masses isn't ideal in this situation safer internet searching could be practiced. Maybe if young children are utilizing thir home computer there should be some spyware or parental controls set up. This would be the only preventative measure i see fit. Other than that adults should be free to view as they please.

Heck, with current media trends today, the NSFW line was blurred a long time ago anyways.

DRUGGED OUT FOREVER!!

I just finished a writing assignment I thought would be so difficult!!

Well it wasn’t. I read an article about bipolar and mood disorders and the diagnosis that takes place with young children. This text really sparked my interest because I fall into the audience who this author was targeting. I was diagnosed at a very young age with bi polar disorder. I don’t believe a 7 year old me really knew what this meant, so I assumed it was a scientific term for the mentally insane or crazy. Shortly after being diagnosed my Psychiatrist felt it necessary to place me on a medical regimen while my mother and teachers recorded my behavior for his analysis. I felt like a certifiable lab rat.

After short periods of time my "reviews" were coming back not all too positive so my doses were upped and I began being monitored more heavily. At this point the mixing of medication and stresses of being a 7 year old boy were weighing on me. Only after being heavily medicated did I feel the manic highs and depressive lows the doctors claim they were "fixing." Living with a diagnosis I knew nothing about made me feel ostracized and alone because I thought everyone else would think I was crazy. The medication affected my sleep patterns, mood swings, and even the way interacted socially with my peers and authority. 

After being stripped of my freedoms, completely withdrawn socially and having my bright and witty personality totally removed. I was at least normal enough to attend public school. I felt like a mute zombie. This critical period in my life where being a child was supposed to be fun and enjoyable became an up and down elevator of distress. I have no doubt that this marker in my childhood is still today affecting the way I interact and approach others.

Concerning the children of the future, I feel the best way to determine social inappropriateness should be done at an older age. I believe the fact that some children just aren’t as quiet and reserved as others should be considered before making any conclusions about their mental health. Each human is unique in nature and should be treated as such and most, if not all, social norms should be disregarded when diagnosing behavior in young children.

Scientific Expenditure

Spending millions on science has no purpose if it doesn't help anyone. With Obama re-elected for his second term, he has made promises during his campaign that I'm positive voters will hold him accountable for. One in particular is the funding of alternative energy to aid in climate control and overall planet health. He has currently staffed a team of elite scientist to head his venture to ensure its legitimacy. After reading the passage in the text I found it to illustrate extremely valid points and puts a microscope on the inter workings of our government. I feel his concern should be everyone's; which is to make sure that the money tax payers are giving in abundance is used properly. I feel holding law makers and country leaders to this will ultimately be the job of the people. Although scientific research is advancing the money still isn't there to make a significant difference when regarding natural disaster. The author highlights a great example in our American history referring to the hurricane in New Orleans, LA. Claiming that preventative measures would have made more of an impact than spending time and money trying to recuperate from these catastrophes. Although I fully agree with him, I feel as though if we have the science to determine these instances before hand we should not only have a budget for preventative measures, but also the finances to FULLY relieve individuals who are directly impacted by the disaster after the fact.Even though preventative measures are just as important I feel that relief afterwards is perfectly matched.

Many families are left with no homes due to natural anomalies. We should be prepared to rescue them as a nation of brothers and sisters.

+PLUS+

If we can afford to bail out multi-million dollar companies, feed millions of people with stamps, and build new structures throughout the year, we should be able to afford to help the people who helped pay for it.

NO means NO!

Rejection is gay

 

Would you believe dating is harder in the gay community than in the straight community?! Not sure about the contrary, but I can certainly speak on my own behalf. Im 20 years old and I consider myself to be a very proud individual who isnt completely unfortunate looking. Im not sure I fully value all my physical attributes, but im sure we all have some sort of issue with our self image, right? Although confidence has never been an issue of mine concerning the same sex, I never have officially had a boyfriend. Odd it seems, but true it is. Living life as a gay male is hard enough without having to screen each man your attracted to for signs of homosexuality or even aggression. And only God knows what signs to look for or who to be apprehensive about. Often times gay men wind up in a pickle for a number of reasons when it comes to dating or looking for a relationship. The main reason being the fear of rejection or being turned down by the other person for reason that cant be changed. A popular case would be gaining feelings for someone you have known for sometime.

There are several scenarios that the "dating game" will produce resulting in rejection (or sometimes violence.)




1. Best friend/Friend:

The case where you and your best friend are close and spend a lot of time together. Over the years you have begun to care for him deeply. A bit deeper than "just friends." He has no clue you have deeper feelings, (maybe even unaware of your sexual preference) but he assumes the opposite since you two are only friends and have been for sometime. Now the decision is do you disclose how you feel and potentially ruin a friendship ending in rejection and maybe even a physical altercation. Or do you keep your business to yourself and just move on with things? Decisions, decisions.


2. Stranger:

The most dangerous man to approach (especially if hes straight) hands down! Never do this. (If your friends will respond negatively imagine how someone who has no regard for your safety will react!)

3. Gay Stranger:

This is where its okay to converse and get to know the individual as a potential partner... only issue is human nature kicks in and now most men find themselves picking over an individuals minor flaws. Often times people in this vain, egocentric, and narcissistic community allow someones disposition and appearance determine how far the relationship progresses if at all.

4. DL Men:

Completely untrustworthy in most cases (not all). Because of their ablity to keep secrets and lie about who they are makes them capable of keeping a 24 hour disguise. Most of these men still have sex with females. So what ever floats your boat, just be sure to bring a paddle.

...and that to only name a few "types."

I believe that as human beings hearing the words "NO" and being rejected is a fear that wont die off anytime soon especially when our emotions are involved. As a society we tend to care a lot about what people think of us and even allow those perceptions to mold our own. In a world were perfection is more than rare we have to find a way to cope with the inevitable and occasional NO! Either way rejection is hard to face no matter what orientation you identify with, where you come from, or the color of your skin. But in reflecting on this topic and my past I have come to realize that maybe its apart of life and not ever ticket is a winner and there no need in rushing into anything that may frustrate your happiness. Whether that's a deceitful man, an irrational friend, or an irate stranger if you don't ask you will never know.

"Why tiptoe through life to only arrive safely at death."

Pre ICC Story

BACK STORY; High school drop out..

--

I currently am attending ICC in East Peoria, IL. Where I have realized my potential and the impact on the world that I want to have someday. When I first came here I was so shocked at what college looked like, because of the fact that I never was someone who went to school or took it too serious. I knew education was important, but my personal fable allowed me to believe that as long as I graduate I'll be okay. WRONG! Especially if you want a life worth living. As I've grown and matured over the time between graduation and now I realize how important education and a degree truly is to me. During my high school years I had made it a point to be different and make sure I wasn't grouped in with all the other kids. I'm not sure what it is about me but I never have appreciated being overlooked. So by accident I ended up hanging out with some of the more popular kids in my high school. As much as I appreciated their friendship I allowed my popularity to distract me from what I should have been preparing for; my future. By the time graduation was rolling around my GPA was 0.7, I had straight D's & F's, and I had already missed over 200 days of school and was considered a chronic truant! Nothing I'm proud of, of course. (Especially since I didn't graduate the 8th grade because of the American History test; and if your from Illinois you know what that is.) So while everyone else was preparing for Junior prom I was in the deans office receiving my walking papers. Woodruff High school dropped me. Now I was in a predicament as to where I would go since it is a law that teenagers must attend an educational facility of some sort but NOT District 150 if that was the district that released you. I was so upset with myself I couldn't think straight. Luckily I have a mother who believes in me so much that she dedicated her time to make sure I was put somewhere to receive a diploma. First place I went was  the high school program ICC had set up a few years ago allowing students to come and make up classes so they were able to receive a diploma and go on to the college. In my first meeting I was nervous up until the lady who was interviewing me said that I would have to attend for 3 years! so I wouldn't have a diploma until I was 20! I had to fight the welling tears in my eyes for everything I was worth. I couldn't show how hurt I was because I did this to myself. After leaving there defeated my mom contacted Pual Monrad; The principal of the Adult Ed building to where I was sent in the past when I was kicked out of school for previous reasons. After  meeting with him he informed us about an alternative school where I could come to finish the credits I needed to graduate. I agreed to this plan and attended everyday! Since it was such a small setting it wasnt hard to join right in and do what I needed to do to get finished. Socially I fit right in and made friends fairly easily and unfortunately enemies even quicker. I stayed out of trouble long enough to earn the majority of my credits and finished the rest in credit recovery due to an incident with me and a few other students. Academically I flourished due to the environment with the 1:10 student teacher ratio. I was even lucky enough to have teachers who inspired me so much they influenced my college career as well. One teacher in particular, Ms. Raver, noticed my talent for art and design, (which was the only A+ I ever made in my traditional High School) and suggested I go to ICC for graphic design next year, the following year I found myself surrounded my college kids who have a past similar to mine but still managed to be here and work hard.

Almost done...

After reserching the career and program I found myself with options and the educational freedom I was seeking back during freshman year! Although I spent 5 years in high school as consequence for my actions I appreciate the alternative school and its impact it has had on my life and esteem. I feel strongly about the influence the environment had on me and believe that more cities should invest in this educational system. I'm certain I'm  not the only person who has had issues with public schools, the size of the classrooms, and social distractions. But because I was sent to this place where i thought I'd find my death, I in fact found my life and my calling. One thing I want to see as I build my wealth and celebrity through my career, Is the building of alternative high schools nation wide for kids who have learning issues and prefer smaller classes. A school where the socially awkward and artistically gifted children can come and earn an education as well as work on their future plans for college. I want it to be open to the public and operating for the students success. This project is the mark I want to leave behind once my life has been lived.

Give up cars!?

I recently read a passage in my English text about German director who no longer uses a vehicle to get from A to B. He claims that "Its a big relief." With rising gas prices and global warming slowly revealing itself its no wonder some people make these decisions. Although bike riding is a great alternative for local travel as well as super great exercise, how does a cyclist get from one city to another? Or one state to another? As dangerous, expensive, and bio hazardous cars may be we cant escape the fact that America was pretty much built for motor vehicles. I.e. streets, highways, and parking lots as well as weight stations and toll booths. I feel that a major solution to many peoples concerns of global warming and gas prices are alternative fuels that wont harm the economy and wont put a dent in you wallet. Depending on hydrogen fuel and cell technologies (plug in cars) may be what saves our planet years from now! In the United States if re elected Obama plans to spend roughly 8 Million dollars (surely either borrowed or payed for by consumers) on alternative fuels and cars supporting them in order to lower gaseous emissions in our environment and reduce threats to our national security by pulling the plug on foreign oil trade. This idea may be a day late as far as our ecosystems are concerned but believed to definitely prevent any further damage to our ozone layers which consequently is the cause of bizzare weather patterns and 19 major hurricanes in an 10 month period, sadly. Pee S, he should give them out for free; on to each family like he did those prepaid phones 2 years ago!

E-Cars 

\/  I'll take one  \/

 

GO VOTE! 

your deciding the future of you and your children's America.